How to define your values

'Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle'

A while ago I was reading an article – I think it was in Stylist – about choosing a ‘values-based career’. It basically talked about how choosing a career based on your core values is the secret to finding job satisfaction. I soon got lost down a values-based rabbit hole and it was SO interesting that I knew I had to share. Here’s a great exercise on how to define your values – the results may surprise you!

What are your values?

Well, they’re basically what makes you you. They’re your core beliefs, your motivation… the qualities you hold dear; the activities that make your soul sing. The way I see it, your values kind of define how you live your life – if you’re living a life aligned to your values, then presumably that means you’re happy and fulfilled, and if not, well maybe it’s because you haven’t sorted out exactly what they are yet.

How to define your values

So firstly, it’s really important that this is a nurturing, uplifting process. I find writing in my journal really calming and therapeutic, so I always have a fresh cup of tea (or glass of wine, y’know, if it’s a bit later), a comfy, warm spot, and make sure I have uninterrupted time to spend. Grab your chosen pen (ink, for me), your journal (or if you’re not bothered, just a scrap of paper, or a fresh word document if you must) and then find a list of core values. There are loads online, or on Pinterest, for example, this one. Basically, you’ll be presented with a huge list of words. Your first task is to go through and write down every one that appeals to you in some way. The trick is not to overthink it. Just pick and scribble. Here are the words I chose:

appreciation, achievement, balance, calmness, caring, compassion, creativity, empathy, encouragement, fairness, family, friendships, fun, grace, growth, happiness, honesty, humility, independence, individuality, joy, kindness, love, loyalty, making a difference, mindfulness, security, peace, recognition, relationships, simplicity, thankfulness, uniqueness, warmth, wellbeing

Once you’ve got your list of words, you have to go through and kind of cluster them together. This is a truly personal thing. Don’t cluster them how you think other people would, or how they might go together in, say, a work scenario, but cluster them in a way that makes sense to you. You might find that you drop a couple, or that they don’t fit in, but eventually you’ll whittle it down into four or five groups. Mine fitted into four:

appreciation, encouragement, achievement, creativity, making a difference, recognition

balance, calmness, grace, joy, kindness, peace, mindfulness, simplicity, wellbeing

individuality, uniqueness, empathy, honesty, humility, independence, confidence, fairness, growth

love, loyalty, security, relationships, family, friendships, happiness, fun, warmth

Obviously there are no right or wrong answers. But have a play about, crossing words out or moving them around as you see fit, until you’ve got groupings that make sense to you. The next thing is to pick a word out of each group that you feel represents the group (I’ve put mine in bold). Et voila. These are your values! Of course, they might change – life is ever evolving and moving. But I found it gave me a real sense of who I am. It’s given me confidence – emboldened me, even. This is me. These are the things that are important to me.

So I’ve identified my values – now what?

Well, now the fun really begins. You can start to explore each individual one. Maybe pick each value and write more about them – about what they mean to you. The article was career-based, but I’m going to apply a broader meaning and just explore whether my life reflects my values, what I could maybe change, what goals I can set using my new-found knowledge, etc. I can’t wait to get going.

If you do give this little exercise a go, I’d absolutely love to hear how you get on. Maybe we can come back and revisit the topic in a few weeks.